CYCLING

* "The hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle is the pavement!"

* Randy an Karen have just climed Le Alp de Huez on a tandem: "Phew that was a tough climb" said Randy "Thought I was going to bonk". "Yeah good job. I kept the brakes on the whole way up," said Karen, "or we'd have slid all the way back down!"

* My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day - and now we don't know where the heck she is!

* Randy, on his tandem is stopped by a police car. "What've I done, officer?" asks Randy.
"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."
"Oh, thank goodness for that," says Randy - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

* Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. (Mark Twain)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE ADDICTED TO CYCLING IF....
You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the bike?"
You have stopped even trying to explain to your other half why you need more than one bike...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.
You buy your crutches instead of renting.
You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.
You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your new trainers
You refuse to buy a settee because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.
You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.
You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young thing ride by, and the first thing you check out is his or her bicycle.
Despite all that winter weight you put on, you'll take off weight by buying titanium components
You use wax on your chain, but not on your legs (girls).
You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys)
Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car's odometer.
You wear your bike shorts swimming.
Your bikes are worth more than your car.
When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.
You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside.
You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.
You clean your bike(s) more often then your house.
You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.
You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).
You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your mates at 5:30 AM for a hundred-miler.
You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.
Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.
You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.
There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead...