Wow!!! 50 years old today!
I can't believe you're 50; 49 maybe, but not 50!
Track star Randy in his teens
Here's something, Randy, to let you know what 50 is going to be like.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE 50 WHEN-
*You first forget names,
then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
then you forget to pull your zipper down.
*Your back goes out more than you do.
*Your cardiologist gives you this special diet:
If it tastes good, spit it out.
*Your narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.
*You can finally afford the rings you want, but you'd rather no one noticed your hands.
*You wear black socks with sandals.
*Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
*All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
*Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
*Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
*You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
*Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
*You can remember when motorcycles were dangerous and sex was safe!
*You've seen it all, done it all, but can't remember most of it.
*You no longer have to worry about avoiding temptation because it now avoids you.
*According to your best recollection, you don't remember.
*You buy a compass for the dash of your pickup
*You smile all the time because you can't hear a thing anyone is saying.
*You are not grouchy, you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, loud music, kids, and some other things you can't seem to remember right now.
*You're still able to recall where you left your keys, but not what they unlock.
Randy in his 20's
Randy in his 30's
Randy in his 40's
HELPFUL TIPS FOR THE 50'S AND OLDER
Never attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.
Avoid the company of young people. They are a sad reminder of your long lost youth.
Keep a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of what you did yesterday.
Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.
Finding your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.
No one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when it’s dark.
Modern science enables even fifty year old's to have the youthful looks of a teenager – a simple head transplant is all it takes.
Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.
Take the strain off your tired out memory by labeling all household objects – bed, fridge, television etc.
Look twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call you ‘daddy’.
Save all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical science may develop a means of replanting them.
Try to enjoy your fifties as much as is possible – after all, the horrendous sixties are looming.
Randy hating the 50's because he knows he forgot something for the bike race, he just can't remember what.
What Randy? You say you don't recognize yourself here?
I SAID, YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE YOURSELF HERE?
Well maybe you really are 50.
Happy birthday Sweetheart, and welcome to the 50's.